August 2003 WHO IS IN CHARGE AT YOUR HOUSE? I write this article largely for the attention of those parents who have children still at home. To those members of Good Shepherd who do not have children at home or at all, please read this article and pray for your brothers & sisters in Christ who do yet have children at home. I am using material which I have gleaned from John Rosemond, a well-known child Psychologist. John Rosemond is a strong proponent of the idea that our families that are busy raising children must be "adult-centered." He means that we raise our children to become responsible adults, since (hopefully, God-willing) they will spend most of their lives as adults. While they are children at home, the home is not to be centered around the wants & needs of the children. Rosemond believes that some of the reason divorce has become so common is that we have raised children to be the center, the most powerful force in their homes. These children are used to having all their wants & demands met by compliant parents who wouldn't dream of disappointing little Johnny or Susy when they whine for something. What happens to these children when they become adults? Do they still expect that all their wants & demands will be met by the other people (child or adult) in their lives? Rosemond believes that is precisely what happens. Adults who are used to being the center of the family universe expect to still be that center, that most important person, when they marry. These adults who have never learned to expect anything different than being the most important person in the family don't make the best marriage material. What do you think happens when children are born to a couple, one of whom still thinks he/she is the top dog? The infant is resented for needing so much attention! "Oh come now," you say, "Pastor, you can't be right about that! All parents realize that infants are so helpless & need so much care! No father or mother would be jealous of the attention that a baby needs!" Would you care to check out Dear Abby or Ann Landers Mailbox archives for letters from people who see that exact problem happening in their families? I wish it was not real, but being jealous of the new baby is one possible result from raising a child to believe that whatever he/she wants is what he/she should get. How do we counteract this negative result? 1. By raising our children to realize that they are not the center of the family universe. 2. By demonstrating to our children that there is a difference between what they want and what they need. 3. This difference between wants & needs is a healthy, necessary distinction. Kids don't have to understand this until they are old enough & mature enough. They do need to be taught that there are rules for the family and they too, are expected to obey these rules. 4. I believe it is the most excellent nurture for children when the parents teach the children to follow the Christian faith. The best parenting is not merely dropping the kids off to Sunday School or Midweek classes. The best parenting is attending with the children, parents directly teaching by word or example what they want their children to learn. Enough said for now, I will return to this subject later. God bless! Pastor Hansen

Home | Pastor's Message | About Us | Schedule | Organizations | Youth Activities
Education | Missions | Location | Contact Us | Links | Cong. News